Dense, rolling smoke again grounded flights into and out of Logan International Airport on April 20th—the unofficial stoner holiday—as visibility plummeted beneath the unexpected haze
In a bizarre twist, officials from the Federal Aviation Administration said the new onslaught of heavy smoke was not further fallout from last week’s eruption of Eyjafjallajokull, the Icelandic volcano whose vowels have been dramatically eroded over time. Ash spewed from Eyjafjallajokull forced some European airports to temporarily ground all flights, and halted nearly 75 percent of international flights from Logan over the past few days.
But at a press conference yesterday, noticeably jittery FAA officials said they were “freaked” about the latest ash cloud, adding that the clouds were “harshing the buzz” they’d hoped to reap from reopened air travel.
The officials went on to say that while they had yet to identify the exact source of the new smoke clouds, they were exploring some strong leads provided by a few BU students along the Esplanade which referenced a place known, colloquially, as Mount Doobie. The FAA officials then fell into a collective fit of the giggles, regaining their composure just long enough to issue a handwritten list of emergency guidelines, most of which involved the procurement of snack treats and Mountain Dew.
Passengers at Logan, some of whom have been grounded for four days, seemed at ease with the added delay. Meticulously licking his fingers clean of Cinn-a-Bun frosting, one middle-aged man opined that air travel, like all conventional travel, was a bourgeoisie contrivance which prevented “man from just being man, man.” He added that airplanes were no substitute for astral projection which he, being pure of soul and mind, could use to get to London just by thinking really hard about Big Ben and double-decker busses.
On Boston Common, exchange students from Jamaica, their pale skin and New England accents belying the nationality their dreadlocks and Bob Marley shirts otherwise indicated, tossed a Frisbee and smoked hand-rolled cigarettes. When asked about the recent string of flight groundings, the group seemed incredulous.
“Who needs planes?” a pleasantly tired looking student asked. “We’re flying right now.”