Fluffernutter Bill Tough to Swallow

Filed in Politics by on September 24, 2009 1 Comment

A bill currently before the state legislature seeks to establish the fluffernutter sandwich, the classic mash-up of peanut butter and Marshmallow Fluff, as the official state sandwich. The resolution, House No. 3019, states quite explicitly that, “Chapter 2 of the General Laws is hereby amended by inserting after section 59 the following section: – Section 60. The fluffernutter shall be the sandwich or sandwich emblem of the commonwealth.”

The full text of the bill can be found here. I highly recommend reading it for the simple hilarity of legal language commending a sandwich, and for the fact that a state Representative put in some amount of time and effort to actually propose the thing.

Debate over the proposed bill has been messy at times, sticky at others, yet always undeniably delicious.

The behind the scenes lobbying campaign, however, has been far less cordial. Almost immediately after the bill was introduced, Massachusetts’ jelly manufacturers launched a multi-million dollar ad campaign intended to smear Fluff. Among other allegations, the jelly lobby claimed that Marshmallow Fluff and its manufacturer, the Lynn, MA based Durkee Mower Inc., were subversive, anti-American entities which promoted unhealthy lifestyles for children, particularly among mouth-breathers who they claim are “play[ing] a dangerous game of Russian roulette each time they bite into the jaw-sealing sandwich.”

Representatives from the cold cuts industry are loosely backing the jelly coalition, though they say any future action will wait until they have first heavily processed the raw bill.

Perhaps even more concerning than the fluffernutter’s possible designation as the official state sandwich is that bit about it also serving as the commonwealth’s “sandwich emblem.” I, for one, have no idea what a sandwich emblem is. My best guess is that it is something along the lines of a state seal, but with bread instead of ink. This is a disturbing if intriguing thought, and I can only hope that, should the bill pass, a bureaucrat somewhere in the State House will have to seal envelopes with a panini press.

And would the fluffernutter emblem have to be added to all sorts of state paraphernalia should the bill pass? Would the Massachusetts flag be updated so that the centered Native American held not a bow and arrow, but a tub of Fluff and Wonderbread?

Whatever the case, there are still too many unanswered questions too push this bill through. The state legislature should move quickly to establish both a fact-finding and taste-testing committee before moving ahead with further action on this bill.

As for other important bills up for consideration this session, one proposal seeks to establish the numeral six (6) as the official state number. The bill has broad support in both chambers, with the notable exception of the esteemed Sen. Seven, D-Fall River.

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