Common Moving Mishaps

Filed in Featured, Headline, Local News by on September 1, 2009 3 Comments
Moving Mishaps

Either the world's most comfortable motorcycle, or the world's fastest couch.

Riding back up Comm. Ave. from work today was one of the more refreshing bike rides I’ve had in a while. As I zipped along on the shoulder, pedaling lightly, nonchalantly, I began to grin, in part because it was a beautiful day, but more so because I was not one of the hundreds of people bottled in traffic. On my bike I was free to weave around cars and moving vans, always ready to swerve should that skinny guy—the one with the waist of a chipmunk—not be able to support his end of the sofa and crumple beneath it into my path.

Though I was not waylaid by any move-in related booby traps, the same cannot be said of those who actually did the moving. All along the back roads of Allston and Brighton, I witnessed many, many moving follies and faux pas, mishaps and miscues. Compiled below, in an easy to read format, are some of the more titter-worthy mistakes made by unprepared movers every year. All of these generalizations are pure, objective truths witnessed by myself in just a short jaunt today, except for those which I have made up entirely.

The Pack Mule Plop: Overburdened students, eager to finish moving and send mom and dad back to wherever they had to drive in from, heap way more than they can possibly carry onto their puny, college backs and lunge for their new apartments. Needless to say, many lamps and desks and life-size reproductions of Michelangelo’s David end up scattered, broken, on the ground.

The Pack Rat Puff: Many people, not wanting to move in unprepared, pack dozens of extra boxes of junk they’ve never used nor should ever have to use, but which they might, for some reason they aren’t even certain of, use in the future. So they lift and they grunt and, keeping in mind that it’s one day removed from August, they sweat out more weight in water than they lift all day in furniture.

The Deliberative Thespian: Sidewalks are meant for walking and spitting bubblegum, though some movers find it a suitable place to stack everything, absolutely everything they have brought to their new apartment. Once stacked, everything is then arranged as it would be inside the apartment. Time permitting, a brief play is performed using the ad hoc assemblage as a stage. There is no intermission, though there are several curtain calls.

The Wacky Whoopsie: Drivers navigating Boston’s streets for the first time are completely bewildered by the city’s assortment of one ways, some of which end facing a one way street pointing the opposite direction. Some roads lead to nowhere, others lead to everywhere, and some reveal themselves to be nothing more than the backs of slumbering seals. More confusing, some roads vanish from beneath vehicles when drivers cease thinking about them, even for just a moment. In all cases, inexperienced drivers are driven mad by the city’s roadways, resulting in much frustrated honking, cursing, and, eventually, even more honking. Truly miffed drivers may even abandon their moving vans mid-ride, leaving them to idle halfway through a lane change on a busy street.

The Intractable Thrust: This scenario is observed most frequently among students who will not major in physics or logic, let alone believe such things exist. Quite simply, it involves the persistent shoving of a couch—usually one about six feet deep and eighteen feet long—through a doorway originally intended for use only by cats and very tiny children. Despite the apparent impossibility of such a large couch making it through such a small door, some people insist on trying anyway, heaving this way and that, removing legs, reattaching legs, swiveling around the door and so on until they finally manage to get the couch wedged firmly in the doorway. If a person caught in this scenario gives up, if they ever give up, the only solution is to hire a gopher to burrow straight through the center of the sofa, thus creating a new doorway. Those who still refuse to give up at this point may even try to fit the couch through this new doorway in the center of the couch itself.

These are just a few of my favorite moving debacles, though they are surely not the only ones. As you move today, please avoid these common mistakes or, if you cannot resist them, at least have a gopher handy to help you out in a pinch.

Photo credit: Seven Morris

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  1. I have to laugh at this, for it is so true. I agree, it’s nice not to have been one of the many yesterday.

  2. This post is so true. I absolutely agree on everything written here. People who have plans of moving should take note of these things.

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