Secret Break Room, Entertainment Nook Found at Somerville T Station

Filed in Local News by on December 16, 2009 0 Comments

A commuter line train, which may or may not be safe to ride since maintenance crews were too busy watching Terminator to inspect it.

Everyone has had that shitty job, the one you dread trudging off to each day, that job that drags on and on and that you wish could somehow be improved by even the most incremental of margins. Fantasies of improvements via reclining, cushioned chairs, video game consoles, and DVD players are cycled through, one by one.

Yet, in the end, you know that those dreams are pure fantasy, and that the shitty job is still a shitty job.

For a few employees on the commuter rail, though, those dreams weren’t enough. To cope with the boring monotony of rail maintenance, workers at the Somerville station installed a secret entertainment center in the back of a storage room, complete with three televisions, two DVD players, a VHS player, surround sound speakers, a gaming console, and movies, some of which were pornographic.

The secret cache was only discovered when the new late shift manager realized some of his employees were taking breaks for 1 ½ to 2 hours, rather than the standard half hour.

While I am mildly displeased that these mechanics were neglecting crucial train maintenance to watch Rambo in a shed, I’m livid that they, not I, had the resourcefulness to pull such a stunt.

As easy as a knee-jerk condemnation of laziness would be, I think it would be completely unfair. Moreover, that reaction would probably be fueled by a burning jealousy of how unbelievably cool this break room must be—or, I suppose, was, now that its stock has been confiscated. It had three TVs. Three! You could simultaneously see your favorite movie, blast some zombies, and watch porn—assuming your favorite movie isn’t already pornographic, in which case you could watch a second movie or just set TV 3 to any of the stolen cable channels delivered to the shed through a jury-rigged, 1,000 foot cable.

Who wouldn’t want that break room? You could get paid to hang out and have orgasms! That’s like having the perks of being in porn without the soul-crushing hang ups.

And speaking of soul-crushing, I’d like to reiterate my praise for these employees; when faced with an unbearable job, they found a solution—they problem-solved! Isn’t that what employers love to see in their employees? Using their mechanical know-how, these workers set up a play room in which to hide (and, again, to masturbate) while still getting paid.

Sure, maybe the trains weren’t kept up to spec. Maybe a few glaring problems went unfixed.

But still, you’ve got to admire their ingenuity or, if not, at least sympathize with their desperation.

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